HeckNo Leaving early: the skill women actually used
- Noticing early and leaving early are what graduates actually used.
- Any reason that gets you out is a good reason.
- Being wrong about him costs an evening. Being right costs nothing.
ACT
The skill that got used most.
Of everything the programme teaches, the two things graduates reached for were noticing early and leaving early. Not striking. Leaving.
of graduates said they had left a situation early — the second most-used skill. Noticing early, at 48%, was the first.Crann, Senn et al., 2021 — which resistance skills graduates of the programme actually used afterwards.
Leaving costs an awkward moment.
That is the whole price. An evening, a friendship that was already thin, a story you’ll tell later. Against that: everything.
What does leaving early usually cost?
Answer: One awkward moment
An awkward moment, and it fades. If you are wrong about him, the cost is an evening. If you are right, you have already left.
You don’t owe anyone a true reason.
The programme says plainly that lying to leave is legitimate. A headache, a friend at the door, an early start. Any door out is a door.
You want to leave a flat and the reason feels flimsy. What do you say?
Answer: Anything that gets you out — a headache will do
Anything that gets you out. The programme with the strongest trial behind it tells women that lying to leave is legitimate; you are not in a negotiation. An honest explanation invites an argument, and an argument keeps you in the room.
Senn et al., New England Journal of Medicine, 2015 — randomised trial of a sexual assault resistance programme, 893 women.NOTICING
Leaving early needs seeing early.
The two skills are one skill. The earlier the moment you notice, the smaller the thing you have to do about it.
Small, deniable, easy to explain away.
Standing too close. A hand that stays. A door closed that didn’t need closing. Each is nothing. Together they are the moment.
You will sometimes leave when nothing was going to happen. That is not a mistake. That is the price of the times you were right.
You left, and it turned out he was harmless. What happened?
Answer: Nothing — and that is the point
Nothing, and nothing is what you want. You cannot know in advance which time is the one. Leaving costs an evening; staying for the wrong one costs far more. Over years, the wrong-but-safe evenings are the deal.
Rapes were completed 88% of the time when the woman did nothing, and 55% when she did anything at all — leaving included.Tark & Kleck, 2014 — resistance and injury in the US National Crime Victimization Survey.
Doing something beats doing nothing.
Almost any action lowers the odds. Leaving is the one with no downside, no partner needed, and no technique to get wrong.
Sources
- Crann, Senn et al., 2021 — which resistance skills graduates of the programme actually used afterwards.
- Senn et al., New England Journal of Medicine, 2015 — randomised trial of a sexual assault resistance programme, 893 women.
- Tark & Kleck, 2014 — resistance and injury in the US National Crime Victimization Survey.